He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize