you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
