it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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