This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
