I cockslap morals
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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