Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
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no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
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I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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