mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
