I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
