A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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