this just has baby written all over it
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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