but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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