My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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