I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
