he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
