Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
