He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
