i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
