Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
