Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
