dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
