My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
