It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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