So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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