Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
