When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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