So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
