Pants 0. Shit 1.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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