Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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