Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i would one night stand the shit outta him
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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