Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
