mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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