How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
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