Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
