No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
