i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Randomize
