I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
