I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
