They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
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