I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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