The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
