I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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