Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
