2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
