question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
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We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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