You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
