I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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