So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
