Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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