Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
