rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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