I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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