I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
