Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
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Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
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Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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