If i come over, it means nothing
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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