But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He shit in the fireplace
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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