we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
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I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm at about main and main street
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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