I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
