I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
