How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
