can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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