I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
tell me about the fingering
Randomize