Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
