you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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