when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
