I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
