I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just pee around me
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
